There are many parts to the answer to this question. Briefly stated, the most significant contributing factor is that my Mom had a difficult, painful, end-of-life hospital experience that didn’t have to be that way.

During her last weeks of life which were spent mostly in the hospital, she was in some cases treated with dignity and compassion by the doctors and nurses, while in other cases, she suffered needlessly, as certain hospital staff members read newspapers nearby, were not responsive and created cold distance.

At the time, I couldn’t understand this drastic difference in caregiving. While I can only speculate now what separated those warm, empathetic caregivers from those cold, rude, hurtful ones, over the years I may have gained some clarity about these two oversimplified groups of caregivers.

Those who were gentle, kind, and patient with us, were themselves fully engaged in their work. They found joy and meaning in offering my Mom and her family solace during our most vulnerable moments during her last days and hours. These caregivers had not only great clinical skills, but exceptional communications and leadership skills, grounded in emotional and social intelligence to understand how best to be present with us, in ways that mattered during those sensitive, final moments.

The other set of caregivers seemed detached, indifferent, worn-out and almost angry at us for having a sick loved one to take care of, on their shift, in their hospital. This group was possibly overworked, over-tired and/or burned out. It’s possible that this caregiver group had lost their connection to the “why” of their work. Perhaps the vision that brought them to healthcare in the first place and their commitment to minimizing human suffering, had gotten blurred or buried. It’s possible they were being led by colleagues who were inexperienced in the non-clinical, interpersonal competencies needed to empathize, inspire and motivate staff…staff who had to comfort patients and families who were physically, mentally and spiritually depleted themselves.

On a grander scale, it’s possible that their hospital or health system had a culture that eroded their feelings of psychological safety and confidence to carry out their responsibilities, and that contributed to their own moral injury.

For these reasons, I do what I do. I’m an Executive Coach working closely with healthcare leaders, providers and healers. I feel I have an opportunity to offer, in my small way, a comfort to these needed and valuable caregivers, to their leaders, and to their institutions. To the first group, those who are well and thriving, I offer them full presence and insights to continue growing in new and different ways, while hardwiring and sustaining their wellness gains.

To the second group, the aspiration is to offer them hope, kindness, empathy, awareness, new skills, and new solutions to allow them to broaden and widen their positive impact in the world. If I can help struggling and successful caregivers and their leaders continue to strengthen their healthy footprint in the world, then I will have contributed in some small way, to making things better, for others, before my time on this planet comes to its natural end. Every day, I’m honored to work with selfless healthcare professionals, whose incredibly unique and valuable skills are so needed in medicine today. We cannot afford for them to be burned-out. We need them to be at their best every day.

And for every day that I am fortunate to say, “I helped someone, help someone”, then for that, I will be grateful.